What the Fuck is THAT?

I’ve been doing a lot of traveling for work this past year. I’m kind of the pinch hitter for my customer and so I get sent out to help out with things where we’re short handed or need my particular expertise.

The travel was a little frenetic.  Normally, as a consultant, I’d have a pretty good idea of the project plan and when I needed to be where. I rarely knew when I’d be home or for how long, which made making and keeping appointments with doctors and others a bit difficult. As a single person with no kids, that wasn’t a big deal. Until now.

The hurricanes in Texas and Florida provided me a 5 week unexpected break – but there was always the possibility that I would be sent somewhere during that time, so I didn’t make many plans. I already had a 6 week travel schedule with a few weeks’ break for Thanksgiving and then go back out again til Christmas.

The night before I was leaving for a month straight, I realized I hadn’t had any of my cancer screenings in too long, and I’d not been doing self exams regularly. My complacency wasn’t without reason – there was no family history, all of my previous scans were negative, and I hadn’t had any reason to believe I had an issue because I had felt relatively healthy all this time.

When I started feeling around my right breast, I immediately felt something hard and knobby. I literally said, out loud, “What the fuck IS THAT?” I felt around some more. Okay, only one lump. Other side? Nothing. Shit. I looked at them both in the mirror. The right one didn’t look any different than the left one. No swelling or skin changes. I don’t feel any swelling under my arm. Okay, good. But still…

What could it be besides cancer? A cyst maybe? A benign mass? Possibly. But… it doesn’t move under the skin, it feels knobby and it’s huge. Fuck. I know have breast cancer.

About Pink Ribbon Road

This blog is about receiving and living with a breast cancer diagnosis.
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1 Response to What the Fuck is THAT?

  1. Renee Gjerde says:

    Hi Lori,

    Oh shit is right and I would even add fuck after that, learned of course from my mother. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It has been a couple of months since this update so I imagine that you know a lot more and maybe have even started some treatments. I will keep updated by reading this blog. Thanks for setting it up. But know that if your energy and time is not enough to keep this up, I will understand. I was trying to lose weight, and started a blog about the experience, being diabetic and all, and it last about ten days. I am glad you reached out to your facebook family and I will try not to be too scared for the times when things don’t go so well. I mean things like feeling crappy after taking the treatments, operations, etc. I have two friends who have survived and they are going strong, cancer-free for a couple of years, so I will hold those positive thoughts for you. Hugs to you. Love Mary


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