About the Filler

When I first started this blog, I thought about writing a post every day. I’m ever so glad and thankful that I chose not to go that route. Aside from feeling like I’d be behind the 8-ball every day chasing a clock to get a post out, it sounded tedious to me to have to come up with something every single day that was new. I also felt like a daily dose of cancer and chemo and all that goes with cancer treatment would just be overwhelming. Both for me and for you. And that part was right.

Cancer is and can be overwhelming. The trick is not to let it take over. There’s already so much of it that’s out of your control that sometimes it’s tempting to fall into the hole where everything sucks because, y’know… CANCER.

Fortunately, it’s not really like that. Sure, there are good days, bad days and in between days. I don’t think it matters that much which chemo drugs you’re on. The ratio of good to bad days changes some. In my experience, it shakes out to be mostly in between.

So… had I decided to chronicle this all daily, I think you’d be bored to tears by now. It would be a lot of had chemo, was tired, took a nap, had night sweats, tried 10 things to counteract that, had this or that side effect, discovered I could or couldn’t eat or drink a thing so added that to my list for a separate post, and the weather was rainy/cloudy/sunny and I was or wasn’t able to get anything done today. Yawn.

For the most part, I’m okay. There are good and bad and in between days. There are things I can’t do and I need to get someone to help me. The cancer part is temporary. The treatments and their side effects are mostly temporary. When I run up against something that is going to be long lasting and it’s going to be a problem, I let myself be angry about it. I let myself feel the fear of whatever that means for me long term. And I’ve let you live my stream of conscious on these things.

In the meantime, there are other things on my mind. There are things I need to do while I’m “stuck” at home, and I know they’re not horribly exciting or interesting, but they’re things I need to deal with sooner than later. I just realized I haven’t done a post yet on end of life planning. Another one of those fun things cancer throws your way.

I’ll still post things about the changes from chemo. As I get closer to the radiation, you’ll get my anxiety head on. Then you’ll hear how thrilled I am to be going back on chemo. And eventually, you’ll share my joy at being done with this year of hell. Right now, I’m 4 months into this journey. Not quite the halfway point.  I’ll try not to make you suffer too much with the filler stuff while you’re waiting to hear good news.

About Pink Ribbon Road

This blog is about receiving and living with a breast cancer diagnosis.
This entry was posted in The Not Cancer Part and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to About the Filler

  1. It wasn’t really about the deadlines but not knowing how I was going to do with chemo, and as it turned out, it would have been really hard to keep up with the blog those first couple of months.

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  2. Renee Gjerde says:

    I tried writing a daily blog. I was horrible at it. Much better to write when you are inspired and want to share what you are experiencing. I am terrible with writing deadlines. I was always writing school papers at the last minute. Never could get papers done early and my grades reflected that. Fortunately I was a good test taker. I always admire those who can organize and get their papers done early.

    My husband doesn’t even want to talk about end of life decisions, whereas I am much more open about the eventuality of death and what I would like to see happen for myself and Ella (in case we both died in an accident). Since I have come near death on more than one occasion due to low blood sugar, I know how close it is to me. That is why I feel it is important to make some of these decisions. It kind of eases my mind to know who Ella would live with in case we died unexpectedly. My sense is that people think it is taboo to speak of such things, like if you do, something bad will happen to you. (knock on wood). It will be interesting to read your thoughts on that. Mary

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