After today, I have one chemo treatment with Taxol left.
I am so ready to be done with chemo. So ready.
The birds woke me up about 5 am and I was at the hospital by 7:30 am. I started my appointment shortly after 8 am, finished my infusion and left the hospital at 12:30 pm this afternoon. It’s 4:30 pm right now and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. Last week, I closed them for a short nap and woke up at 9 pm, 5 hours later. So much for dinner. Good thing I wasn’t particularly hungry.
This is my life now.
I need a nap five minutes after I get out of bed. I spend most of my day fighting off the urge to take a nap. When I finally give in, I sleep for hours. On AC chemo, I could take an hour nap and feel okay. Taxol doesn’t work that way.
So much irony. I was the child who never needed a nap. I drove my mother crazy. I became the adult who averaged 14-18 hour days every day. I *was* the Energizer Bunny.
My body’s tired. My brain is tired. All of me is just plain tired.
I need to find out if I will get any part of my short term memory and cognitive function back. I need to find out how much neuropathy is going to be permanent. How much feeling I will get back in my feet and if the pain will ever go away I want some of my energy level back. I am eager to get past this big mountain of surgery and radiation.
I am eager to be done.
Eager to get back to my life. A little different life than before, but still MY life. Not cancer’s life. Not chemo’s life. Not radiation’s life.